lines in the sand

some right some wrong

some weak some strong

some die some hold on

some will rise some will fall

but some lines were never meant to be drawn

My all-time favourite characters in a TV series happens to star in my all-favourite TV series-Dr Gregory House. That show has some of the most profound dialogue I may ever encountere as the characters try to navigate through the murky waters that are endless ethical dilemmas. On one such occasion, House spoke words that rang true to me: the problem with exceptions to rules is the line-drawing, who do we get to exclude in the rule and who don't we. Of course I am paraphrasing but you get the gist of it. Those words have never been truer to me than the events of this week. When I say 'events' it sounds overly dramatic only I am a dramatic person. I was having an innocuous conversation with a friend when it took a drastic turn and unearthed an issue I had encountered years ago, virginity. More specifically where the line is draw. So I posed this question to several people in various circles gauging the response and trying to find a common ground. At first glance, it looks like a pretty straight forward question, one ceases being a virgin when the have sex, right? One person jokingly offered to demonstrate using dolls as visual aids. Guess the joke is on them now because herein lies the issue, what do different people define as sex and by extension virginity?

The discussion I had with my friend that opened this can of worms reminded me of a story I had heard a while back. It was rumoured that women at the Coast like many others, due to cultural or religious reasons, had to be proven virgins on their wedding night by presenting the bloodied bed sheets from their new marital bed. The problem arose that in this day and age with society morphing, very few could remain 'pure' till their wedding nights so they resorted to engaging in all forms of sex including anal sex to satisfy their carnal desires. That way they maintained their integrity and were virgins for all intents and purposes until their wedding nights. How true this story is I may never know, but the idea of it raised a few queries, what is the definition of a virgin? Here is where the line-drawing comes, in the definition of the term. Is a virgin a person (of both genders) who has not engaged in penetrative sex? If so, does someone who has had anal sex considered a virgin (I mean it is penetrative)? What about a person who has done neither but has received oral sex from one or more different lovers? Is that person still a virgin? As if the question is not complicated enough, lets consider a person who has never been naked in front of another human being but has and is now an expert at giving oral sex. Is this person still one? What about the person who knows not the nakedness of another person, but watches erotica and masturbates. Can we still refer to this person as a virgin? While discussing this at length last night a new possibility was opened to me; what of the computer worm who never leaves his room or the newly-wed separated from her husband before consummating their marriage, what of this person who opts to use technology as a sexual outlet and has video or phone sex, can we lump him/her in the pool of virgins?

A couple of years ago whilst having a heated discussion about this, a friend offered an opinion of which I have to agree with. For him (and me as well to some degree), virginity is as much a mental/psychological phenomena as it is physical. There does exist such a thing as sexual innocence which is mental and once that is taken away through some form of action, then virginity is lost. That was where he drew his line. So in this murky issue, I pose the question one more time; what does a person have to do to stop being considered, either by self or society, a virgin. With lines constantly being drawn in the sand and just as constantly erased by the tides of time and change, where do you draw your line?

PS: is virginity that important to you? why?