it takes one and one to make many
and many to make the one
without the one the many wouldn't be
but the many wont let
the one just be
I like my hair long, I alway have and I am pretty sure I always will. Ever since I was a child, it took valiant efforts including coercion, threats and bribes from my father to get me into a barbershop. His go-to excuse was I needed to look neat as a student plus the schools demanded it. So when I completed secondary school, I gleamed slyly because I now had a counter-argument for this. So for the next three years I pranced around with a victorious smile and ever-growing hair, much to the chagrin of my father. Then came the others. Everyone suddenly had an opinion concerning my hair; how I should cut it, or braid it or perm it etc. I got numerous offers from people trying their hands at hair care to use me as a guinea pig. Of course I turned down most of them but that's not the point. If I followed all the suggestions in those three years, half my head would be shaved while the other would be 'relaxed' and braided and most likely in different colours. Majority of the people I knew share my father's disdain over my long hair and they were not shy about letting me know how the felt. I tell you my hair was a hot issue, a topic of discussion much like an MP caught up in a scandalous affair. I understand the stake my barber had in my hair so I excused his comments whenever I ran into him in church, I was denying him business after all. So it was with great relief that when I lived abroad, I was surrounded with people who were not really concerned about my appearance let alone my hair. I would got for a month without combing it and not only did they not have an opinion either way, they did not even notice the difference. I was in my little hair haven. The few times I combed it, I was greeted with wonderment, many trying to feel on it as they said it reminded them of a ball or a football field. Not once did anyone suggest or intimate what I should or should not do with my hair.
Earlier this week I was 'tarmacking' (Kenyan expression for job hunting). I sat in a bigwig's office in the UN begging for employment and he made this off-cuff comment about my hair; 'Will you leave you hair like that', he asked. Now it was not pointed but the message was loud and clear, I had to cut my hair to look 'presentable' as I search for a job. So there I was seated in his office, armed with all sorts of qualifications and experiences, and all that stood out to him was my hair. I was not shabbily dressed, my hair was not unkempt (I had shampooed, combed, and patted it down barely an hour earlier so it was impeccable). For the entire duration I was seated there, all I could think of is why the length of my hair was important and what message it sent out to my family, my friends, my potential future employers and or suitors. Why was the length of my so important? I started noticing things on him I had not bothered before with like how short his hair was and how his beard was shaped. Still these things meant nothing to me but I left his office knowing that I had to cut my hair, which I love so much, to increase my prospects of getting a job. Society had won this round, I had to tow the line to achieve an end. Recounting this to a friend, she also had a tale of her own that was similar to mine. She had gone to Somali-land for working purposes and had to don a hijab and buibui in order to do what had taken here there. There would be no point in antagonizing the locals by holding on to her beliefs whilst it would cost her nothing fall in line and achieve her results easily.
We both came to the painful conclusion (at least it was painful to me) that in order to navigate the treacherous waters that are life, at times we must give up a part of who we are for the greater good. Sometimes we must do what society dictates or expects even if it is contrary to what we feel or belief for either peaceful co-existence or to accomplish a certain goal. This 2 incidences brought to mind a quote I once heard by Nietzsche (I apologize in advance to a friend who asked me to stop quoting the man if I have not read his books or studied his works) where he said 'the individual has always struggled to to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe'. This begs the question, how much of yourself is worth the sacrifice? How much of yourself are you willing to sacrifice to accomplish what you must? When does the self-sacrifice stop and the individual shines with pride? Must we all think, act, feel and even dress alike to be accepted in a society? I have always wondered where the rules that govern societies came from and what makes then right; what gives them precedent over the individual. Until the day when society accepts diversity and embraces our difference practically and not theoretically, I guess I will remain an individual struggling not to be overwhelmed by the tribe.
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