paradigm shift

there is a man in the mirror
looking back at me
who is he
where did he come from
where is the other man
the one I have come to know and love
b.c.

Conscience. By definition it is an ability or faculty or sense that leads to feelings of remorse when we do things that go against our moral values, or which informs our moral judgment before performing such an action. Debate is still rife on whether this ability is innate or whether it is acquired from those charged with the responsibility to guide us. I define it as our guiding principles, sort of like our internal 'slap on the wrist' when we do something 'wrong'.
I grew up in a catholic home where right and wrong were clearly defined for me. I knew when I had done something wrong and I could foresee the consequences of my actions even before my punishment was dished out. It got so bad that I would punish myself for an action that no one knew of or had any way of finding out. I had set parameters within which I built my whole belief system in. The parameters defined me and my character was built within them. I lived in the 'real' world where I interacted actively with people who came from different backgrounds and had different parameters that defined them. My own parameters kept me from being influenced by their belief systems so in as much as I spent a lot of time with them, I adopted none of their beliefs. We all remained, unchanged by our interaction.
But something happened that I didn't anticipate-I questioned the very guiding principles that had been hot-wired in me since childhood. You see, I had the fortune of going out of town for 9 weeks. I was no longer in the comfort of a home I had lived in for 24 years(I am a product of day schools so I have never really been away from home). This opportunity presented itself and I grabbed it with both hands. Finally I had a chance to see if I could live on my own. Little did I know that I had embanked on a journey of self-discovery. A journey I didn't deem necessary because throughout my life I knew who I was and I was happy in that knowledge. Those parameters or guiding principles defined me and I was comfortable. But being away from the people who entrenched the principles in me gave me a chance to evaluate them. I questioned the nature and the genesis of what I held dear to me for all this years, defined me, made me who I am. In doing so, I felt a change in me, a shift. I asked why and couldn't get any satisfactory answers. Everything I believed in suddenly seemed mundane or pointless.
9 weeks later I returned home a changed man. I came back with new guiding principles that i understood better and hence could me more true to. I returned ready to hold myself accountable to myself. Now I do things, not because I was told to, but because I understand them better and hence their implications to me and the people around me. They are MY guiding principles because at the end of the day it is MY conscience and it is me who will be held accountable for my actions.
My guiding principles have undergone radical surgery. They do not even bare a slight resemblances to the ones I had when I was growing up. Does this mean that i have no conscience? Am I wrong to disregard all I was taught about right and wrong as I grew up? These questions are subject to your judgment. All I know is that my conscience has new software which has resulted in a paradigm shift. I tell my friends that I found myself without even knowing that I was looking.
Every morning I look in the mirror and see what I have become. I see a stranger staring back at me and wonder who he is and what happened to the person I knew for all those years. The person who was in a comfort zone. The person who did nothing 'wrong' because he was told not to. The person I knew and loved. I stare at the strange person in the mirror knowing all the while that deep within me, this stranger is who I really am.