friends?

P.S. When i wrote this my mind was all over the place and I was confused. Couldn't decide on whether to be angry or not to care...Just a caveat in case the entry seems disjointed or all over the place

in search of the one
or just one
anyone
who will be
what I thought
the one should be

b.c.

Friendship. It is said friends are a single soul living in two bodies. I think this is the most beautiful definition of this voluntary relationship. Dictionary.com describes a friend as 'a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard'. Humans are inherently social so it follows that we seek out others who we have things in common with or at the bare minimum co-exist with amicably with and could sometimes share parts of yourself with. Ever so often we get blessed and find friends who become more important to us then our own families. You see, families are loved out of obligation while friends are loved out of choice. True friends make this horrible world seem more beautiful and still worth living. But I have come to learn that friendships are just as hard as romantic relationships if not harder.
When two people meet, it takes an effort from at least one of them for them to become friends. Barring that, they meet, talk, go there separate ways and never talk again, unless they accidentally bump into each other. But it takes at least one person to go the extra mile to make it a friendship. Now it will take the both of them to make it work. now here is the situation I constantly find myself in with majority of my friendships, I am more often then not the guy who will go the extra mile for the friendship to be established. I will go the extra mile to keep it going and make sure it is successful. Then one day I turn around and find that I am the only one out there trying to make it work. I am the only one actually making an effort when it is meant to be effortless, almost second nature.
Everyday I find myself asking the same question, what does it take to just pick up your phone and call for 30 seconds? Or just send a simple text that takes 8 seconds flat to type(I have timed it) Why do I always have to be the one who finds out if they are still alive? Is it that I have to prove to then that I really want to be their friend? I mean, a friendship is a two way street right? Then they compound it by always the statement 'I miss you so much' everytime they bump into me by chance which always make me wonder 'WTF!!'. I mean, when I miss someone, I seek them out and spend time with them or talk to them to elliviate the feeling. But not these friends. No,they just save such sentiments for sound bites because they sound nice and create the illusion of them thinking about you. Perhaps its done so that you dont hate them for not playing their part in the relationship, who knows?
Now I have a new breed of friends, the ones who want to be friends but feel I must prove my worth by giving as much attention as I can afford in order to put their insecurities to rest(I am just guessing this is the reason because I have run out of options). i am not a lion in a circus so I do not have to jump through hoops. Now I know why I have a high rate of turnover when it coes to friends. As soon as I get rid of the ones I realise are not good for me, I aquire new ones who have so much promise but quickly learn they are not much different.
Then I did a quick inventory of my life and realised one interesting fact-all the friends who behave in this seemingly unbecoming manner are women. Not that women make bad friends(though evidence suggest the contray), its just a fact I have to contend with. I am told that i have bad tastes. I always choose the wrong ones, I think maybe I bring the worst out of people. Maybe it really is my fault...
I guess this behaviour can be attributed to the fact that once you get secure in a relationship, you dont feel the need to try any more. Maybe it is due to the fact that getting to know someone is so much more exciting while maintaing the friendship is too much work. Or it could be because I expect too much of mere mortals(though I expect so much more of myself than I do of anyone else). Or maybe it is because we were never really friends.

to Happy who has shown me what a true friend looks and feels like