a rant

This is not like the other entries. It has no attempt at a clever five-lined italicized introduction that gives the reader an insight as to what the subject matter is. It may not even have a point. This is a rant, an emotional anger I feel at this moment. So here goes

Last year, roughly around this time, I went to the Spanish embassy to renew my visa. One can imagine the excitement I felt when the lady who came to serve me was Kenyan. I did not have to worry that there would be language barrier and she, being Kenyan like me, would understand and be more sympathetic of the plight of us from developing countries when it came to visa applications. Alas! It was not to be so. This Jezebel (I am really trying not to say bitch) did not offer the customary greeting I and many others in African societies are used to. She stood there staring at me, shifting her weight from leg to leg drumming her fingers impatiently. Even after I offered a mumbled 'good morning', the lady just silently glared at me. Shrugging, I presented all my documentation and stated my purpose. She took one look at my papers and informed me I needed a certificate of good conduct. I was confused because I could have sworn I had carried my certificate so I rummaged through my documents only to find the said certificate nestled cosily in between the other documents. I showed it to her with a questioning look which she ignored. I then pointed out that I did indeed have the document to which she answered

'Yes, but you need another one.'

'Why?' I asked

'Because you need a certificate of good conduct.' she answered

'But I have a valid one with me', I retorted

'Yes, but you need another one', she sneered

Sensing that this conversation had hit a loop, I humbly retrieved my papers and headed to the door. Now anyone who has had to apply for a certificate of good conduct understands why this was extra painful. The process alone takes almost half a day standing in a queue before being herded into a crowded room and having you fingerprints roughly taken; all this while being berated by civil servants whose intellect cannot hold a candle to that of you bedroom's door nob. After that, there is the trip to the Ministry of Foreign Affairs where you need to take the certificate to be stamped and verified as an original because after all this is Kenya. Needless to say I was less than impressed by her flippant demeanour and dogged, uncompromising attitude. But I let it slide and went about the business of securing said certificates. Two weeks later I was in the same office being served by a Kenyan again who was really helpful.

As fate would have it, I had to go back to the embassy again this time to get my academic certificates translated into Spanish and certified. The nice lady had pointed out that since I was on scholarship, I was entitled to absolutely free services at the embassy as long as they were school related. So here I was again a month later face to face with Jezebel relaying this information after she demanded I pay translation fees. This woman literally rolled her eyes before saying nothing like that existed in the embassy policies. After I pointed out that I had received free services that were far more expensive than what she was asking for, she decided she would go and 'confirm' and disappeared into the inner office. Fifteen minutes later, she emerged and literally threw the documents at me, all signed, sealed and stamped. I shared this story with a fellow Kenyan in Spain and she told me I had found her in a good day. Apparently this bitch had done worse to others.

I thought I had seen the worst of the worst and she was a one-off until today, almost a year later to the date. I need to go for a conference in Budapest, Hungary. Hungary is a member if the EU and is signatory to the Schengen convention which basically opens up all EU internal borders. I have a Schengen Visa issued by Spain and a residency card. In an ideal would this means I should be able to travel to Hungary for as long as the residency permit is valid, right? WRONG! Out of curiosity and for clarity's sake, I visited the Hungarian embassy 2 weeks before my scheduled departure date to confirm that I could use my residency card. Again I was served by a Kenyan lady. Having been bitten once, I was careful not to expect 'loyalty' from a fellow Kenyan. From the minute I articulated my query, this bitch had already decided I was not eligible to travel using this document hence starting what can only be described as a nightmarish 3 days. This bitch said, and I quote 'I don't think you can use it, but I will go and confirm with my superior'. As I stood there waiting for her to finish her consultations, I could only imagine how valiantly she would champion for me having already been predisposed against me. As expected, she came back with a gleeful looking proclaiming that she was right after all and I had to apply for a new visa. The pleasure she took from delivering that news...So she handed me the application forms, a blank piece of paper and went ahead to list what I needed for the application. After that, she told me it would take 7-15 working days to process my visa. I was travelling in 11 working days, tickets booked and fully paid for. Again that smile appeared as she said there was nothing she could so to speed up the process. As the offices close at 1 and it was already 11 plus I did not have any of my documentation, I went back home and got my documents in order ready to return.

Which brings us to today, 9th June 2011, 9 working days before my scheduled departure date. I got to the embassy with everything she had listed at around 9.30 a.m, the first and only person there (at that embassy, they let in one person at a time and everyone waits outside the compound. There is no shade or sitting area, just a bunch of people exposed to the elements). This bitch looks at all my documentation and established it's in order, then she asks for the fee which is 60€. Seeing that i am ion Kenya, I made the fatal mistake of assuming I could pay in Kenyan. The minute I said this, she hands everything back to me and says I must have euros and turns back without a second thought. I had to call after her to enquire where the closest forex bureau was. I leave, hope into the first matatu and head to a forex bureau at ABC place, a full 20 minutes away to get my shillings changed into euros. I hurry back and arrive 30 mins later to find there are 4 people ahead of me now waiting to apply for their visas. I waited for over an hour and a half to get back in and hand my documents with 60€ to this bitch which she graciously accepts. After sorting out my documentation, she asks for my ticket booking. Huh? There was absolutely no speak of that on Tuesday when she listed the documents I needed! She then insisted she told me yet I had the list in front of the both of us that I wrote as she listed what I needed. There was no mention of any air ticket bookings. It was now 12.15pm and the embassy closes at 1. Now I had to go searching for a cyber so that I could print out my ticket. Again I rushed and grabbed the first matatu to ABC place only yo find there was no cyber. I jumped into the next matatu and headed in the opposite direction to Lavington shopping centre. Yet again there was no cyber. Then I remember a friend works across the road from Lavington shopping centre. I tried calling her but she did not answer her phone. I texted her but still no reply. I decided to take a chance and fortunately I found her at her office and got her to print it It was 12.45 so I ran back to the embassy and got in at a few mins to 1. Lucky for me there was a Hungarian visa officer there with the bitch. The bitch decided to start nit-picking. She asked why my ticket was for the 22nd but they invitation letter says they are paying for accommodation from 23rd. I said I was footing my bill for that night she wants a bank statement now! I told her why I booked then and that thing is sorted then she asked why I was, in her words 'extending my stay till 30th and the conference ends on 26th'. I answered saying I wrote 30th in case shit hits the fan and I must stay there. She started bitching before the Hungarian tells her on document says i am going to be there from 21st to 30th so its okay which finally shuts her up albeit temporarily. I then plead oh so politely for them to do anything possible to hurry the process, while acknowledging that they have procedures. She quickly said 'No, i told you it will take 15 days!' However before she could finish her statement,her Hungarian comrade told me to come and check for it on Tuesday! So there I was with a 'WTF!!!' look on my face wondering why this Hungarian was willing to speed up the process as she understood the situation so why was this bitch ass stupid Kenyan hell bent on slowing the process.I had been there 2 hours earlier and she saw all my documents, sorted them and saw no booking, why did she say nothing about this?

These two experiences have left me with a sour taste in my mouth, wondering if we Kenyans as such a self-hating people that any success by another, real or perceived is so threatening to us that we would do anything to sabotage it. Is this the same thing that causes us to stand in the way of our development? are we the proverbial man who cut of his nose to spite his face? As I said before, this has no point, no bigger picture, it is simply a rant.